113+ BEST & WISE Mark Twain Quotes 2024 (for copy + paste)

Looking for wise words? Check out all these Mark Twain quotes to quench your curious mind.

Some of the greatest men that we know today were born before the internet was even popularized. Mark Twain was among them. He’s an American journalist, lecturer, novelist, and more. Mark Twain’s fame rose for his travel narratives and adventure stories of Tom Sawyer.

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We compiled some of the best and wisest Mark Twain quotes in this listicle for you to check!

Mark Twain Quotes

If you want to reference and quote someone, make that someone Mark Twain! He has a wise tongue and Mak Twain quotes are just beyond awesome.

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Mark Twain quotes with meanings

Words they may be but words form phrases, phrases form statements, and statements can become life facts filled with meaning.

Here are some of Twain’s words that may mean so much for you in one way or another.

The secret of getting ahead is getting started.
If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them.
Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of growth. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior, there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.
It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
I don’t remember my first lie; I was too young. But I do remember my second.
Good judgment is the result of experience and experiences the result of bad judgment.
Focus more on your desire than on your doubt, and the dream will take care of itself.
The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.
Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
Give every day the chance to become the most beautiful day of your life.
Drag your thoughts away from your troubles – by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.
There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.
Humor must not professedly teach, and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.
Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living; the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother.
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
As to the Adjective: when in doubt, strike it out.
Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits.
You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
It is the epitome of life. The first half of it consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity.
The man with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
Humans beings can be awful cruel to one another.
The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
Name the greatest of all the inventors. Accident.
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.
A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races.
The lack of money is the root of all evil.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.
Necessity is the mother of taking chances.
Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.
A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
I’ve seen many troubles in my time, only half of which ever came true.
When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
What gets us into trouble is not what we don’t know. It’s what we know for sure that just ain’t so.
Every time you stop a school, you will have to build a jail. What you gain at one end you lose at the other.
There is probably no pleasure equal to the pleasure of climbing a dangerous Alp, but it is a pleasure which is confined strictly to people who can find pleasure in it.
Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

Mark Twain Quotes on Politics

Of course, this American of wisdom had humor has some opinion on politics! Here are some of his share of political phrases.

Fleas can be taught nearly anything a congressman can.
It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress.
An honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere.
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress, but I repeat myself.
Always tell the truth. That way you don’t have to remember what you said.
Always tell the truth. That way you don’t have to remember what you said.
All war must be just the killing of strangers against whom you feel no personal animosity; strangers whom, in other circumstances, you would help if you found them in trouble, and who would help you if you needed it.
To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government and the sure and gradual deterioration of the public morals.
Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
No man’s life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.
Imagine, if you will, that I am an idiot. Then, imagine that I am also a Congressman. But, alas, I repeat myself.
Few things are more irritating than when someone who is wrong is also very effective in making his point.
Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.
Demagogue – a vessel containing beer and other liquids.
I suppose, just as an honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere.
Where every man in a state has a vote, brutal laws are impossible.
When politics enter into municipal government, nothing resulting therefrom in the way of crimes and infamies is then incredible. It actually enables one to accept and believe the impossible.
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.
One of the first achievements of the legislature was to institute a ten-thousand-dollar agricultural fair to show off forty dollars’ worth of pumpkins in – however, the Territorial legislature was usually spoken of as the “asylum”.
We have the best government that money can buy.
The new political gospel: public office is private graft.
The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopts.

Mark Twain Quotes on Love

Love is a universal language and a subject that many authors have written about. Twain wrote about love in many ways, he pictured love in his creations. Take a look at some of them.

Love is not a product of reasonings and statistics. It just comes-none knows whence-and cannot explain itself.
Kindness is a language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
What do we call love, hate, charity, revenge, humanity, forgiveness? Different results of the master impulse, the necessity of securing one’s self-approval.
To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.
If you want to love and abundance in your life, give it away.
Don’t wake up a woman in love. Let her dream, so that she does not weep when she returns to her bitter reality.
You can’t reason with your heart; it has its own laws and thumps about things which the intellect scorns.
Praise is well, a compliment is well, but the affection that is the last and most precious reward that any man can win, whether by character or achievement.
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.
I can live for two months on a good compliment.
Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.
Those that respect the law and love sausage should watch neither being made.
Love is madness, if thwarted it develops fast.

Mark Twain Quotes on Life

Life is a battlefield, it’s a challenge that we all are facing. Men from the past may not have felt some of today’s challenges but they faced their fair share of pain and joy too.

Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection.
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
With courage, you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be compassionate, and the wisdom to be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity.
Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.
The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.
What a wee little part of a person’s life are his acts and his words! His real-life is led in his head and is known to none but himself.
Life is short, break the rules. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that makes you smile.
A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear-not absence of fear.
Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered – either by themselves or by others
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.
Give every day the chance to become the most beautiful of your life.
A half-truth is the most cowardly of lies.
Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts or happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever flowing through one’s head.
The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
Do something every day that you don’t want to do. This is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.
I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can’t find anybody who can tell me what they want.
A man’s character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.
Books are for people who wish they were somewhere else.
Don’t wait. The time will never be just right.
Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.
It is wiser to find out than suppose.
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
Never put off till tomorrow what may be done the day after tomorrow just as well.
Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you would rather have talked.
Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.
Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Mark Twain on Quotes Happiness

Put some joy in your life and be happy with these happiness quotes from the great man himself.

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it.
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
When all is said and done, the one sole condition that makes spiritual happiness and preserves it is the absence of doubt.
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
Happy is he who forgets (ignores?) what cannot be changed.
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
Optimist: Person who travels on nothing from nowhere to happiness.
As soon as the novelty is over and the force of contrast dulled, it ain’t happiness any longer, and you have to get something fresh.
Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.
Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.
Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
No sane man can be happy, for to him life is real, and he sees what a fearful thing it is. Only the mad can be happy, and not many of those.
Laughter is the greatest weapon we have and we, as humans, use it the least.
Happiness is a Swedish sunset- it is there for all, but most of us look the other way and lose it.
Happiness ain’t a thing in itself -it’s only a contrast with something that ain’t pleasant. And so, as soon as the novelty is over and the force of the contrast dulled, it ain’t happiness any longer, and you have to get something fresh.
There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one: keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.
Are you so unobservant as not to have found out that sanity and happiness are an impossible combination?
A human being has a natural desire to have more of a good thing than he needs.
Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
I begin to see that a man’s got to be in his own heaven to be happy.
There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but – keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.
Happiness ain’t a thing in itself – it’s only a contrast with something that ain’t pleasant.
To be busy is man’s only happiness.
Obscurity and competence—that is the life that is best worth living.

Mark Twain Quotes Funny

Humor is always a good way to face life or anything. It’s an ice breaker, it’s what you throw out there when things are pretty tense. Pick put some funny Mark Twain quotes here.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
‘Classic’ – a book which people praise and don’t read.
It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.
I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying approved of it.
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir…mighty scarce.
If we would learn what the human race really is at the bottom, we need only observe it in election times.
April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.
There is nothing so annoying as to have two people go right on talking when you’re interrupting.
Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.
Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.
Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it.
Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
Never put off till tomorrow, what you can do the day after tomorrow.
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
Always do right; this will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink – under any circumstances.
I once heard a Californian student in Heidelberg say, in one of his calmest moods, that he would rather decline two drinks than one German adjective.
If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re misinformed.
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
All of us contain Music & Truth, but most of us can’t get it out.
Whenever a copyright law is to be made or altered, then the idiots assemble.
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
God created war so that Americans would learn geography.
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.
Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.