Are you looking for Pinterest funny quotes? We have compiled some of the funniest laugh-out-loud phrases for you. Pinterest is also a social media and while it isn’t as big as Facebook and other social media platforms but it has its own catching factor. It also perked up its features this year to appeal more to its audience.
Check out Pinterest now and share all these interesting funny quotes.
Pinterest Funny Quotes
Spice your audiences’ lives with some of the funniest Pinterest quotes. Read more below and don’t forget to copy and paste.
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Funny Quotes on Life
Life is already serious as it is, it’s our job to make the people of the world laugh a little bit every day. Ain’t that, right? Well, looks like you’ve come to the right place. We have here some really funny quotes for you!
- Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see.
- People say you can’t live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.
- I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning.
- Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
- All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.
- If we shouldn’t eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?
- Sometimes I’m grateful that thoughts don’t appear as bubbles over our heads.
- I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.
- Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life!
- Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they’ll start using it.
- My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
- Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.
- If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.
- Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fools you.
- If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
- I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!
- The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
- Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.
- A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
- Be crazy, be stupid, be silly, be weird. Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy.
- I don’t mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.
- I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
- I’m the kind of crazy you weren’t warned about because no one knew this level existed.
- Dear life, when I said, “can this day get any worse” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
- You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.
- Whenever I have a headache I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.
- This too shall pass… It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.
- If you can’t laugh at your own problems, call me and I’ll laugh at them.
- Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift. That’s why we call it the “present.”
- What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out.
- My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
- Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
- If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest. I would miss you so much.
- Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry. – Jerry Seinfeld
- My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt. – Chuck Nevitt
- You can sum up this sport in two words: You never know. – Lou Duva
- With age comes wisdom, but sometimes age comes alone. – Oscar Wilde
- In life, only three things are certain: death, Adobe updates, and taxes. – Trevor Noah
- Remember, when you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It is only painful for others. The same applies when you are stupid. – Ricky Gervais
- Some problems in the world seem to exist solely for women. Like not having anything to wear. – Chetan Bhagat
- Everyone is a psycho, and the average of all psychosis what we call normal. – Chetan Bhagat
- The pretty girl is always right. – Chetan Bhagat
- It’s better not to argue with women. – Vladimir Putin
- Don’t do drugs, don’t have sex, and don’t touch your eyebrows. – Emilia Clarke
- f you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. – Bill Gates
- When you are dining with a demon, you got to have a long spoon. – Navjot Sidhu
- Experience is like a comb that life gives you when you are bald. – Navjot Sidhu
- Anybody who finds it easy to make money on the horses is probably in the dog food business. – Franklin P. Jones
- People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
- A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist. – Franklin P. Jones
- I know I’m a handful but that’s why you got two hands.
- Embrace the glorious mess that you are. — Elizabeth Gilbert
- Taking naps sounds so childish. I prefer to call them horizontal life pauses.
- I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.
- Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
- Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
- I won’t quit but I will cuss the whole time.
- If at first, you don’t succeed, fix your ponytail, and try again.
- I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
- Some days I amaze myself. Other days I put my keys in the fridge.
- Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of large research staff to study the problem.
- I made a huge to-do list for today. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
- Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.
- If size really mattered, the elephant would be the king of the jungle.
- When life puts you in tough situations, don’t say why me? Just say try me!
- If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.
- If you stumble, make it part of the dance.
- A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
- Every time you are able to find humor in a difficult situation, you win.
- Inside me, there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.
- Political correctness is tyranny with manners.
- One day you’re the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you’re the toast.
- Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.
- When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it.
- As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
- If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes.
- Life status: currently holding it all together with one bobby pin.
- The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
- Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
- High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.
- A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’
- They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.
- Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares? He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!
- Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.
- I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
- A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: ‘Duh.’
- If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.
- If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead already?
- I’m too drunk to taste this chicken.
- A day without laughter is a day wasted.
- When one door closes, another opens. Or you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work.
- Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.
Hilarious Quotes
Jokes, fun, and a dash of hilarity! Oh, what a day must that be? Make your followers laugh with these hilarious quotes.
- Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.— President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers)
- Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are. — Will Ferrell
- I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later. — Mitch Hedberg
- I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough. — Russell Brand
- There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it. ― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me
- I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. — Rita Rudner
- There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong. — Surgeon (Graham Chapman), Monty Python’s Flying Circus
- Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing. — Natasha Leggero
- I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own. — Les Dawson
- I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
- I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her. — Rodney Dangerfield
- I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat. Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
- I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
- I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
- I love mankind, it’s people I can’t stand.
- When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway. — Erma Bombeck
- I love mankind; it’s people I can’t stand.
- Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to. — Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day
- Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
- I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. — Rita Rudner
- All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
- I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.— Phyllis Diller
- All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
- Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are. — Will Ferrell
- Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
- Someone asked me if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’ — Steven Wright
- A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
- My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana. — Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls
- We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don’t know.
- You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police. — Joan Rivers
- I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
- Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts. — Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen)
- Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
- My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush. — Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler)
- Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
- I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back. — Jimmy Kimmel
- I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.
- Being a mom means never buying the right amount of produce. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a week’s worth is eaten in one afternoon, or fruit flies are congregating around my rotting bananas. — Lessons from the Minivan
- I can resist everything except temptation.
- Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.
- Only the mediocre are always at their best.
- If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer. — Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey), Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
- People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test. — Dowager Countess Violet Crawley (Maggie Smith), Downton Abbey
- Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.
- There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy. — Elise (Goldie Hawn)
- The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
- The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize. — Clairee Belcher (Olivia Dukakis)
Read: fun selection of jokes with and about animals to share on your pinterest
- I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.
- A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain. — Graham Norton
- Instant gratification takes too long.
- Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. — George Carlin
- If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
- Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
- As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two. — Sir Norman Wisdom
- The tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- That’s why New York is so great, though. Everyone you care about can despise you and you can still find a bagel so good, nothing else matters. Who needs love when you’ve got lox? They both stink, but only one tastes good. — Midge Maisel (Rachel Brosnahan)
- Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician. —Adam Gropman
- Does it disturb anyone else that ‘The Los Angeles Angels’ baseball team translates directly to ‘The The Angels Angels’? — Neil DeGrasse Tyson
Sarcastic Quotes
Well, in the last 10 years, sarcasm has become a whole different language. People use it in their daily lives to evade, to make people laugh, or to protect themselves. Regardless of how you use your sarcasm, get a clue of what your next comeback from any of the quotes below.
- When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.
- If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, it’s because you’re both heading in the same direction.
- Well my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems
- I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.
- I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.
- Silence is golden. The duct tape is silver.
- That is the ugliest top I’ve ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.
- Find your patience before I lose mine.
- Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.
- I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time.
- Tell me. Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted?
- It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.
- If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.
- Well, at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.
- Violence won’t solve anything. But it sure makes me feel good.
- If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
- I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.
- I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.
- People say that laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.” Steven Wright
- I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.
- If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV Channel.
- The whole purpose of sending a text is to get a reply within seconds or minutes, otherwise, I would have sent a letter by fucking mail.
- I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.
- I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.
- Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.
- My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.
- Need money for college. Need college for a job. Need a job for money. Who was the mastermind behind this system?
- No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.
- If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.
- I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.
- Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.
- I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.
- I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.
- Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.
- People say that laughter is the best medicine your face must be curing the world.
- Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.
- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. – Steven Wright
- I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.
- If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
- Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you, they can’t laugh either.
- My attitude in exams. They give me questions I don’t know. I give them answers they don’t know.
- Life’s good, you should get one.
- I may look calm, but inside my mind, I’ve killed you 20 times, in 5 minutes, in 20 different ways.
Summary
We sure hope you have found your quotation to match your awesome personality. You can come back for more so save this page fast! Make your Pinterest a whole load of fun and laughter with all these beyond funny quotes.
You can also read our other listicles apart from these Pinterest funny quotes.
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