You know what they say about jokes, they’re medicinal so there’s no harm in all these funny quotes we have for you! This is a perfect post for you if you’re looking for some good laugh for yourself or to share with your family and friends. There’s no better medicine than laughter, even the doctors will tell you that!
Laughing is good for your soul, it’s good for ours too. This is partly why we did this post. We need to enjoy a good boisterous laugh every once in a while. Look for funny quotes below and laugh your hearts out!
We still have more for you here, check out some of our other quotes and jokes well.
Short Funny Quotes
Make it short, simple, and utterly laughable. Funny quotes like that are easiest to remember. When you’re down and troubled, like how that song goes, get yourself one of these jokes and remind yourself that there’s so much more to this world than the problems you have in your hands.
- Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see.
- Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them.
- Don’t be stupid, it might make you famous.
- Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
- Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo.
- Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it.
- Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.
- If you’re hotter than me, then that means I’m cooler than you.
- Everyone wants your happiness. Don’t let them take it!
- My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.
- Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.
- My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people don’t think I’m dead.
- Never let your best friends get lonely… keep disturbing them.
Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.
- If we shouldn’t eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?
- Papercut: A tree’s final moment of revenge.
- It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head, I’m quite busy.
- Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow.
- A best friend is like a four-leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.
- My six-pack is protected by a layer of fat.
- I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
- If you have crazy friends you have everything you’ll ever need.
- To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.
- I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are. — Damien Fahey
- When nothing is going right, go left.
- Why yes, I can carry on a conversation made up entirely of movie quotes.
- My goal this weekend is to move… just enough so people don’t think I’m dead.
- I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending. — Jack Whitehall
- People say you can’t live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.
- I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.— Noel Coward
- Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you’re done.
- Trying is the first step toward failure. —Homer Simpson
- Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they’ll start using it.
- I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.
- Don’t worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.
- Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read. — Groucho Marx
- I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
- I’m one stomach flu away from my goal weight.
- My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
- Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination. — Oscar Wilde
- I love my job only when I’m on vacation.
- Woke up today. It was terrible. — Grumpy Cat
Check out more quotes below:
Clever Funny Quotes
We all want to be smart and wise in all we do. We don’t want to lose the jokes battle so make sure that you bring with you ample funny quotes wherever you go! It’s always a great opportunity to make people laugh with level funny quotes.
- If you tell me you’re “Dead inside” well you’re a medical marvel! That’s something to be happy about!
- When you’re at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hold on. ―
- The greatest fools are ofttimes more clever than the men who laugh at them. ―
- There are some idiots who always answer “No” to every question, now tell me. Are you one of them?
- Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don’t laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions. ―
- If a man says to you, “I always lie”, do you believe him?
- What’s the point in having a mind if you don’t use it to make judgments? ―
- To handle yourself, use your head; To handle others, use your heart.
- No woman is ugly, it’s just that some are more beautiful than others.
- Maybe it’s true, maybe we don’t know what we have until we’ve lost it. But maybe it’s also true that we don’t know what we’re missing until we find it.
- There are so many different kinds of stupidity, and cleverness is one of the worst. ―
- Don’t do something permanently stupid just because you’re temporarily upset.
- Don’t paint a wall with a toothbrush simply because it’s called a brush. – Kelvin Osaghae
- Arguing with a fool proves there are two. – Doris M. Smith
- What I stand for is what I stand on. ―
- It is surprising what a man can do when he has to, and how little most men will do when they don’t have to. – Walter Linn
You don’t know what you don’t know until you know it.
- Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
- One should never use exclamation points in writing. It is like laughing at your own joke. ―
- My father said there were two kinds of people in the world: givers and takers. The takers may eat better, but the givers sleep better. – Marlo Thomas
- The cleverest of all, in my opinion, is the man who calls himself a fool at least once a month. – Fyodor Dostoyevsky
- I haven’t failed at anything, I’ve just found all the wrong ways of doing it.
- When did you get so clever? When I realized I wasn’t as clever as I thought. ―
- Well, enough about me. Let’s talk about you. What do you think about me?
- A miser is a person who is reluctant to spend and saves for those who will bury him.
- Some people call me Mike, you can call me tonight.
- How can I have hung around you for five years and not think girls are clever? ―
- Everybody is born with genius, but most people only keep it for a few minutes.
- There are two kinds of people in the world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
- Intelligence is more important than strength, that is why the earth is ruled by men and not by animals. ―
- Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. – Rumi
- Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.
- Cleverness is not wisdom. – Euripides
- Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
- Sometimes you need to act like a fool to fool the fools who think that they are fooling you.
- Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
- Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile. – Albert Schweitzer
- Don’t raise your voice, improve your argument.
- You have not actually lost what you have not gained in the first place!
- Once you learn how to be happy, you won’t tolerate being around people who make you feel anything less.
- Notice: Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
Do you want to be inspired? Check out our motivational and inspirational quotes below:
Short Funny Quotes About Life
- Be crazy, be stupid, be silly, be weird. Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy.
- Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. – Elbert Hubbard
- I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
- I’m sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It’s just been too intelligent to come here. – Arthur C. Clarke
- I don’t mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.
- The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream. – Bill Murray
- Life in a box is better than no life at all, I expect. You’d have a chance at least. You could lie there thinking: Well, at least I’m not dead. – Tom Stoppard
- I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done. – Steven Wright
- Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay. Here’s a coffee and a million dollars.
- A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths. – Steven Wright
- Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny. – Stephen Hawking
- I have always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific. – Lily Tomlin
- I don’t need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that.
- Don’t be so humble – you are not that great. – Golda Meir
- In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on. – Robert Frost
- This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last. – Oscar Wilde
- Dear life, when I said, “can this day get any worse” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
- Life doesn’t imitate art, it imitates bad television. – Woody Allen
- Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off. – Bill Murray
- Dance like nobody is watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones.
- If cats looked like frogs we’d realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That’s what people remember. – Terry Pratchett
If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class it never ends.
- Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings. – Robert Benchley
- Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving. – Albert Einstein
- Why must I prove that I am me when I pay bills over the phone? Did some else call to pay my bills, and if they did, why don’t you let them?
- Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans. – Allen Saunders
- Life’s biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don’t want to get out of bed.
- I intend to live forever. So far, so good. – Steven Wright
- Don’t give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer.
- When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. – Rodney Dangerfield
- I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful.
- Rice is great when you’re hungry and you want 2000 of something. – Mitch Hedberg
- Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information like when you’re cold, you should go to a corner since it’s 90 degrees there.
- Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
- I know how to live my life to the fullest.. but let’s speak later after I finish playing some computer games.
- I remixed a remix, it was back to normal. – Mitch Hedberg
- Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Funny Quotes for the Instagram
Are you looking for funny quotes for your Instagram posts? Then, you’re in the right spot! We have here some of the funniest jokes you can find. Read and laugh every day with these jokes.
- My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. I call it lunch.
- Reality called, so I hung up.
- I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
- I’m on a date, she isn’t very social.
- I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful.
- I’m in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year.
- An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.
- I’m on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
- I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life!
- A cop pulled me over and told me Papers, so I said Scissors, I win! And drove off.
- I miss you like an idiot misses the point.
- Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal.
- If you can’t remember my name, just say, ‘chocolate’ and I’ll turn around.
- Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can’t beat surfing the net.
- If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?
- Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it!
That awkward moment when you’re wearing Nikes and you can’t do it.
- I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s 7 years in a row now.
- Just dropped my new single! It’s me. I’m single.
- My bed is a magical place I suddenly remember everything I had to do.
- I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.
- Brains are awesome. I wish everybody would have one!
- They call it a ‘selfie’ because ‘narcissistic is too hard to spell.
- For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.
- Be savage, not average.
- How do I feel when there is no coffee? Depresso.
- Bikini season is right around the corner. Unfortunately, so is the pizza place.