Captions and Quotes
Funny Instagram Captions
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317 Funny Instagram Captions (I am not lazy, I am just on save energy mode.)

Looking for some funny Instagram captions to use? You have come to the perfect place. We list a huge selection of the funniest captions for Instagram and photos to use.

You can use all captions for free. Simply copy-and-paste the cool quote you like most, and go for it! Enjoy!

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Funny Captions for Instagram

Ready to explore? We organized all the greatest captions for your Instagram shots. All you need to do? Choose your topic and your favorite quote – and copy and paste it under your Insta-photo update! Here are the funny Instagram captions for you.

Table of Contents

Couple

Looking for funny Instagram captions for that perfect photo moment with your beau? It’s always a fun moment when you spend it with your other half but there are times that are just over-the-top funny and we have photos to prove it. Upload it to your social media and share to your friends your love’s funny moment. No harm in sharing a good laugh!

  • Do you know what’d look good on you? Me .
  • You marry so that you can know each other and the process lasts for infinity.
  • With great girlfriend comes great expenses.
  • Dear MATH, stop asking to find your X, she’s not coming back.
  • Make love, not war. Hell, do both. Get married..
  • My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
  • Newton’s law of love: Love can neither be created nor be destroyed. Only it can transfer from one girlfriend to another with some loss of money.
  • I don’t want to be in a relationship, I would rather be in a Range Rover.
  • One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.
  • Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.
  • I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soulmate … but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
  • I m a math teacher. One plus two equals me and you
  • Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
  • “I miss you like an idiot misses the point.”
  • If you can’t remember my name, just say ‘chocolate’ … I’ll turn around.
  • Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
  • A friend in need a friend to be avoided.
  • Brains are an awesome tool. I wish everybody had one.
  • Got a new phone today, my old phone failed the swimming test.
  • Can Bob the Builder fix my bad attitude?
  • Can I take your picture? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters.
  • Cousins are created so that our Parents can compare marks.
  • I hate math, but I love counting money.
  • Dear Lord. Please give me some patience now, now, now.
  • Dear MATH, stop asking to find your X, she’s not coming back.
  • Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can’t beat surfing the net.
  • Do I run? Yes, Out of time, patients and money.
  • Do you know what’d look good on you? Me.

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Cute

We can’t help it, sometimes we just want to add spice in our lives and upload cute photos in our Instagram feed. But photos aren’t everything, it needs an equally cute caption to work its magic. Read through some of the funny Instagram captions that you can use for your photos.

  • Why is it that we tend to take relationships for granted? We unconsciously think it can take care of itself. But love neglected is the start of indifference.
  • There is no such thing as a perfect person, but someone’s heart can have the perfect intention.
  • You don’t have to jump high for people to like you, love you, want to be with you, and notice you. You just have to be yourself, and you will be accepted for who you are.
  • Stop being a zombie. Find something that you’re excited about in your life; otherwise, you’re just walking dead.
  • I put my best foot forward, then my worst foot after that, then my best foot again.
  • Insecurities can make even the smartest and most beautiful person foolishly question themselves despite how amazing they truly are.
  • Mental stimulation and an emotional connection between two people trump a physical and love connection any day. However, having all of the above is even more powerful and meaningful;
  • Consider yourself blessed.
  • Even the most beautiful people will have at least some insecurity, whether they admit it or not.
  • People won’t always love you. They may love what you bring to the table and love what you may do for them, but that doesn’t mean they love you. Learn the difference, my friends.
  • Before spending time trying to find someone, you must first find yourself.
  • Make sure to savor all your special moments, step outside of yourself, and bask in your own presence, while it’s still present.
  • You and I are cupcakes of an everlasting honeymoon party.

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Food

While love life is life, food is lifer and we mean that in the most literal sense. Eat, pray, love. Uh, no. Photo first, caption second, eat later. Stop scrolling and searching in Google. We have the funny Instagram captions on food right here!

  • If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?
  • I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.
  • Bikini season is right around the corner. Unfortunately, so is the pizza place.

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Friends

Admit it, you love your friends and you go crazy when you’re with them. That means a lot of awesome and fun times worth capturing. Don’t post something crappy, pick a photo that best describes your friendship and pick the perfect Funny Instagram captions to go with your funny moments.

  • Let’s just stay friends=never talk again.
  • I know you are a sensitive person but no worry I am Sensodyne to your sensitivity.
  • People are people but my fellows are really fellows.
  • Not all the best moments are created with the one you love, some are created with true friends, a blissful beach, and some beer for sure!
  • You laugh. I laugh. You cry. I cry. You jump off a really tall cliff. I yell, “Do a flip!”
  • Finding friends with same mental disorder is priceless.
  • I hope you dance like no one’s watching because they’re not—they’re taking selfies.
  • People are like Oreos. The good stuff is on the inside.
  • Friends buy you lunch. Best friends eat your lunch.
  • Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean… But the true ones stay, like an octopus on your face.
  • I don’t know what’s tighter, our jeans or our friendship.
  • We’ll be the old ladies causing trouble in the nursing home.
  • Every tall girl needs a short best friend.
  • As soon as I saw you, I knew an adventure is going to happen.
  • Friends knock on the door, best friends walk into your house and start eating.
  • A friend in need a friend to be avoided.
  • Roses are red, violets are blue, Oh my friend you belong to a zoo.
  • I hope we are good friends until we die, then i hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.
  • Cousins are created so that our Parents can compare marks.
  • When you fall I will be ready to catch you- with love, floor.
  • Can I take your picture? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters.
  • Please GOD if you can’t make me slim, make my friends fat.
  • Boys will be boys as long as there are no girls in the picture.
  • You actually have friends? Ans: Yeah, bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
  • The best way to look younger, hang out with older people.
  • I’m usually charming, nice, and well mannered, OK for those who really know me you can laugh now
  • Best friends: Ready to die for each other, but will fight to the death over the last slice of pizza.
  • Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
  • You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
  • God is really creative, I mean just look at me and think.
  • Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.
  • How do people write an autobiography? I can barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday.
  • I am not fat, I am just. Easier to see.
  • I am not feeling lazy actually; I am just incredibly motivated to do nothing.
  • I am not lazy, I am just on my energy saving mode.
  • I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
  • I didn’t choose the thug life, the thug life chose me
  • I don’t always study, but when I do, I don’t.
  • I don’t always surf the internet, but when I do, eyebrows!
  • I don’t know what’s tighter, our jeans or our friendship.
  • I don’t think inside the box and I don’t think outside the box. I don’t even know where the box is.
  • I don’t want to be in a relationship, I would rather be in a Range Rover.
  • I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unflawed it.
  • I had fun once, it was horrible.
  • I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.
  • I hope we are good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.
  • I hope you dance like no one’s watching because they’re not – they’re taking selfies.
  • If being Hot is a Crime ARREST ME!
  • If I ever let my head down, it will be just to admire my shoes.
  • If I was funny, I would have a good Instagram caption.
  • If life gives you lemons, just add vodka.
  • If there would be an award for being lazy, I would send someone to pick it up for me.
  • If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back, come to me. I’ll tell you more.
  • If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If it does not, hunt it down & kill it.
  • It’s funny how people judge other’s mistakes while they also do the same thing.
  • Just saw the smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.
  • Let’s just stay friends=never talk again.
  • Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie, just one more minute. Yet. I wouldn’t call them lies!

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From Movies

Referencing funny lines from the movies never grow old. Let’s take some of them and make it our funny Instagram captions for our photos.

  • Go ahead, make my day.
  • Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape.
  • Fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy night!
  • You talkin’ to me?
  • Show me the money!
  • Houston, we have a problem.
  • I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.
  • Round up the usual suspects.
  • I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!
  • Houston, we have a problem.
  • I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!
  • You had me at ‘hello’.
  • There’s no crying in baseball!
  • You can’t handle the truth!
  • Tell ’em to go out there with all they got and win just one for the Gipper.
  • Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death!
  • I’m the king of the world!
  • Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.
  • Toto, I’ve got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.
  • Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
  • What we’ve got here is failure to communicate.

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Generic

  • I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!
  • Forget love, I’d rather fall in chocolate.
  • Brains are awesome. I wish everybody had one.
  • An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if doctor is cute, forget the fruit.
  • I’m actually not funny, I am just mean and people think I’m funny!
  • I’m a smart person, I just do stupid things.
  • Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software… it’s called Monday, please fix it.
  • Dear Lord… please give me some patience NOW…NOW…NOW….
  • I look at people sometimes and think ….. Really?? That’s the sperm that won.
  • How do people write an autobiography? I can barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday.
  • The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
  • Friday is my second favorite F word.
  • It’s funny how people judge other’s mistakes while they also do the same thing.
  • If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If it does not, hunt it down & kill it.
  • BRB = I don’t want to talk to you. LOL = I have nothing else to say. Cool = I don’t care.
  • I am not feeling lazy actually, I am just incredibly motivated to do nothing.
  • Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters.
  • You made me laugh so hard. Tears ran down my legs.
  • I used to think I was indecisive, but now I am not so sure.
  • Don’t give up on your dreams. keep sleeping.
  • How do you call a pig that does karate? Pork Chop
  • I am not lazy, I am just on save energy mode.
  • Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.
  • Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.
  • Normal is boring
  • What do you call a bear with no ears? EARS!
  • Best friends. Because anyone else heard our conversations we’d end up in the mental hospital.
  • What does Charles Dickens keep in this spice rack? The best of Thymes, and the worst of Thymes.
  • After Tuesdays, even the calendar goes WTF.
  • The fridge is a clear example that what matters is on the inside.
  • Nothing is lost until your mother can’t find it.
  • If there would be an award for being lazy, I would send someone to pick it up for me.
  • For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.
  • Last name Ever, first name Greatest.
  • I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches, but then I realized it would be a waste of time.
  • Nobody is perfect. My name is Perfect!
  • What do you call a thieving alligator? A Crookodile
  • Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.
  • “Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us.” – Stephen Colbert
  • The more you weight the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe eat cake.
  • Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re probably drunk.
  • That awkward moment when you’re wearing Nike’s and you can’t do it.
  • Life was much easier when apple and blackberry were just fruits.
  • I made a huge list for today. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
  • Please God, if you can’t make me thin, make my friends fat.
  • I walk around like everything is fine. But deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.
  • Life doesn’t have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes.
  • An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.
  • Some days I amaze myself. Other days I put my keys in the fridge.
  • During the day I didn’t believe in ghosts. At night I become a bit more open-minded.
  • At night I fall asleep. In the morning I can’t get up.
  • Sometimes I wish I was a bird. So I could fly over certain people and shit on their heads.
  • This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.
  • Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life.
  • Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they’ll start using it.
  • Life is very complicated. Don’t try to find answers because when you find the answers, life changes the questions.
  • Don’t let anyone rent a space in your head unless they’re a good tenant.
  • The best things in life are free. The second best are very expensive. – Coco Chanel
  • The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off.
  • I hate when people see me at the supermarket and they are all like “Hey, what are you doing here?” And I’m just like, “Oh, you know hunting elephants.”
  • When my bra matches my underwear, I really feel like I have my life together.
  • Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and they live for 150 years. Lesson learned.
  • Did you know that DIET stands for: Did I Eat That?
  • I hate it when I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.
  • Well, well, well. Look what finally decided to show up. Hello Friday!
  • I may look calm, but in my mind, I have killed you three times.
  • Seeing a spider in my room isn’t scary. It’s scary when it disappears.
  • That awkward moment when you see twins fighting and one of them calls the other ugly.
  • Fun quote for Instagram
  • Don’t worry, Beyonce.
  • There is no angry way to say bubbles.
  • Don’t interrupt someone working intently on a puzzle. Chances are, you’ll hear some crosswords.
  • I am a ninja. No, you are not. Did you see me do that? Do what? Exactly
  • How do I feel when there is no Coffee? DEPRESSO.
  • Life happens. Coffee helps.
  • Be a Warrior, not a Worrier.
  • I’m a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite remarkable.
  • If you fall, I will be there. Signed: Floor.
  • All we have is NOW.
  • When you are Downie, eat a brownie.
  • You are one in a melon.
  • I tried to embrace my inner child today and the little asshole bit me.
  • Run like you stole something.
  • I hate it when I gain10 lbs for a role and then I realize I am not even an actor.
  • Dear life, when I said, “Can my day get any worse?” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
  • My life is a constant battle between my love for food and not wanting to get fat.
  • There are two rules in life. 1. Never give out all the information. 2. —
  • Stop worrying about the world ending today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.
  • On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. Just like Monday does on Earth.
  • Life is like a toilet paper. Either you’re on a roll or you’re taking shit from asshole.
  • You can’t make everybody happy. You are not a jar of Nutella.
  • I think my soul mate might be carbs.
  • What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing “k” instead of “ok”?
  • Don’t know where the kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they’ll show up quickly.
  • Funny how just when you think life can’t get any worse, it suddenly does.
  • Don’t worry about getting older. You still get to do stupid things, only slower.
  • You never know what you have until you clean your room.
  • When nothing goes right, go left
  • Me: Finally, I’m happy. LIfe: Lol, wait a sec.
  • Of curse, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
  • When your ex texts you after months, “Hey, what’s up?”. Not today Satan, not today.
  • All my life I thought the air was free. Until I bought a bag of chips.
  • tried being normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.
  • I don’t think inside the box. I don’t think outside the box either. I don’t even know where the box is
  • The word “studying” was made up of two words originally “students dying”.
  • This life is hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid.
  • Are you really living a life or just paying the bills until you die?
  • I stopped fighting my inner demons. We’re on the same side now.
  • Don’t study me, you won’t graduate.
  • I’m at the point of parenting where “What did I just say?” could either be a threat or a genuine question.
  • Sometimes I have to tell myself it’s not worth the jail time.
  • That annoying moment when you finally get comfortable in bed, but then BAM, you have to pee.
  • Some people are like clouds. Hwne they disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
  • If you’re waiting for me to give a shit, you better pack a lunch. It’s going to be a while.
  • My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot todo.
  • There should be a holiday dedicated to all the brave people who show up to work n Mondays.
  • Fun friend quote for Instagram
  • I just got that Friday feeling.
  • When I feel a little down, I put on my favorite high heels and dance.
  • I need a six-month holiday, twice a year.
  • Bad choices make good stories.
  • If there would be an award for laziness, I would send someone to pick it up for me!
  • There is beauty in simplicity.
  • If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, why did it fall off in the first place?
  • I used to think I am indecisive. But now I am not sure!
  • The more you weight, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, eat cake!
  • A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids mistakes.
  • I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband!
  • How do I feel without coffee? Depresso!
  • I would kill for a Nobel Peace Price!
  • Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But that gets boring really fast. So I go back to being normal!
  • I don’t need a hairstylist. My pillow gives me a new style of hair every morning!
  • Brains are awesome. I wish everybody would have one!
  • I am actually quite a nice person. Until you piss me off!
  • There is no angry way to say “Bubbles!
  • I eat cake because it is somebody’s birthday somewhere!
  • Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it!
  • I can’t clean my room because I get distracted by the cool stuff I find!
  • You could not handle me. Even if I would come with instructions!
  • I am standing outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding!
  • With great power comes great electricity bills!
  • My teacher pointed to me with his ruler and said: “At the end of this ruler there is an idiot!”…”I got detention after asking which end!
  • People say nothing is impossible. But I do nothing every day!
  • Wine is always the answer. What was the question again?
  • What do you call an owl that does magic tricks? Hoodini
  • In bed, it’s 6 AM. You close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s 7:45. At work, it’s 1:30 PM. You close your eyes for 5 minutes, it’s 1:31.
  • I think something’s missing in my life. Like 2-3 million dollars.
  • Can we just skip to the part of my life where I travel the world?
  • It’s bad manners to keep a vacation waiting.
  • I wish travel therapy was covered by my health insurance.
  • There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation.
  • You can’t buy a business but you can buy a plane ticket and that’s kind of the same thing.
  • Overpack. It’s why suitcases have wheels now.
  • Age only matters if you’re a cheese.
  • I like rumors. I find out so much about me that I didn’t even know.
  • I’m old enough to know better. But young enough to do it anyway.
  • That awkward moment when you’re wearing Nike’s and you can’t do it.
  • Just dropped my new single! It’s me. I’m single.
  • Be savage, not average.
  • I was addicted to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around.
  • I know I’m a handful but that’s why you got two hands.
  • Every 60 seconds, there’s a b-tch posting a positive message that she doesn’t live by.
  • Never let anyone treat you like a yellow Starbust. You are a pink starburst.
  • The most important thing is to enjoy your life – to be happy – that’s all that matters.
  • Take every chance you get in life, because some things only happen once.
  • I myself never feel that I’m sexy. If people call me cute, I am happier.
  • Women drivers rev my engine.
  • I like foodies.
  • At least this balloon is attracted to me!
  • I must destroy you with hugs and kisses.
  • Stop looking for happiness in the same place you just lost it.
  • I woke up like this.
  • If we could only turn back time…
  • Keep smiling because life is a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.
  • Beauty is power, a smile is its sword.
  • This picture is my autobiography.
  • Last day of class!
  • Don’t take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive.
  • Chilling like a gangster…
  • It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness.
  • Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.
  • I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. ‘Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death.
  • It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things.
  • Love can be unselfish, in the sense of being benevolent and generous, without being selfless.
  • When I feel a little down, I put on my favorite high heels and dance.
  • You think this is a game?
  • Weekend, please don’t leave me.
  • Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not strong enough.
  • Be who and what you want, period.
  • Stay strong, the weekend is coming!
  • You play Call of Duty? That’s cute.
  • You’re doing it wrong.
  • Don’t be like the rest of them, darling.
  • I wasn’t lucky, I deserved it.
  • Whatever you do in life, make sure it makes you happy.
  • The question isn’t can you, it’s will you?
  • What do you think of the view?
  • I liked memes before they were on Instagram.
  • That moment when you realize your childhood is over.
  • Friday, my second favorite F word.
  • I’ll never try to fit in. I was born to STAND OUT!
  • I think you’ve got a deficiency of Vitamin Me!
  • When Instagram was down, I ran around town shouting “like” at flowers, dogs, and expensive brunches.
  • Say “Beer Can” with a British accent. I just taught you to say “Bacon” with a Jamaican accent.
  • I don’t always study, but when I do, I don’t.
  • So you’re telling me I have a chance…
  • Walking past a class with your friends in it.
  • I’m not saying it was aliens, but it was aliens!
  • Yea, dating is cool but have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?
  • Give me the chocolate and nobody gets hurt…
  • So, you’re on Instagram? You must be an amazing photographer.
  • Onions make me sad. A lot of people don’t realize that.
  • Oh you’re a model? What’s your agency, Instagram?
  • If a dentist makes their money from unhealthy teeth, why would I trust a product 4/5 of them recommend?
  • I didn’t choose the thug life, the thug life chose me.
  • Weekend, please don’t leave me!
  • Need an ark? I Noah guy…
  • What if I told you, you can eat without posting it on Instagram.
  • I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
  • If I was funny, I would have a good Instagram caption.
  • I don’t always surf the internet, but when I do, eyebrows!
  • A blind man walks into a bar… And a chair… and a table…
  • I had fun once, it was horrible!
  • You’d have a big ego too, if you were as great as I am.
  • Cheeseburger and Fries: We don’t go out on dates.
  • (Swimsuit photo)
  • I don’t know how their arteries aren’t clogged with metal, because both of these girls have HEARTS OF GOLD.
  • Can I get an “AMEN”?
  • It’s not about who would let me, it’s about who will stop me?
  • Great friends happen because you’re a great friend too.
  • Don’t let anyone tell you that you wear too much black.
  • The only thing I throwback on a Thursday is a scotch.
  • It’s been one blur of fun.
  • It’s Coffee O’Clock!
  • And so the adventure begins…
  • Treat yourself as a Queen, and you’ll attract a King.
  • Every beauty needs her beast.
  • Last name Ever, first name Greatest.
  • Feeling good, living better.
  • Last night was a blur.
  • Show anyone and I’ll kill you.
  • Putting the “we” in weird.
  • Good girl, bad habits.
  • 75% of my humor starts with a bad photograph.
  • Good shoes take you good places.
  • I need a six-month holiday, twice a year.
  • You laugh. I laugh. You cry. I cry. You jump off a really tall cliff. I yell, “Do a flip!”
  • Daydream believer…
  • Well played.
  • Say “Yes” to new adventures.
  • My diet plan: make all of my best friends cookies; the fatter they get, the thinner I look.
  • Bad choices make good stories.
  • Even I don’t believe myself when I say I’ll be ready in five minutes.
  • Fri-nally! (on Friday).
  • Kinda classy, kinda hood.
  • A human being without a friend is like a tree in a desert.
  • Your loss, babe.
  • It may hurt you to look back in past or scare you to think what the future has in store for you, but those things might not happen if you have a best friend in the present with you.
  • Let’s just be who we really are.
  • Life is short to wear cute shoes.
  • When you don’t believe in yourself, your best friend believes in you.
  • Do what makes your soul shine.
  • Depending on the story behind the photo.
  • Life is way to short for bad vibes.
  • Sometimes you just don’t need a doctor, sometimes your best friend is the therapy.
  • When nature is your home, you don’t visit it.
  • Little by little.
  • Long caption from my close friends and short of others
  • If you listen carefully then the earth has a lot of music for you in store.
  • You can only find yourself once you get lost in nature.
  • To love and to be loved by the same person is the best feeling in the world.
  • You make my heart smile.
  • A true friend sees the first tear, catches the second, and stops the third.
  • When your happiness is less important than the other person’s happiness, my friend you are in love.
  • Namastay in bed
  • Life is like a mirror, we get the best results when we smile.
  • Keep a smile on your face and let your personality be your autograph.
  • Life is better when you’re smiling.
  • I hope you always find a reason to smile.
  • Smile. Why? Because you can.
  • Who says I never smile in my selfie?
  • Keep a smile on your face and let your personality be your autograph.
  • Stay strong, make them wonder how you’re still smiling.
  • By the way, I’m wearing the smile you gave me.
  • If you smile when no one is around, you really mean it.
  • A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
  • Keep the Smile On!
  • When you have to work, work with a smile.
  • Smile, it confuses people.
  • Keep smiling and brighten someone’s day.
  • Be someone else’s sunshine. Be the reason someone smiles today.
  • When you can’t find the sunshine, be the sunshine.
  • The happiest people don’t have the best of everything, they make the best of everything.
  • Be happy. It drives people crazy.
  • Say yes to new adventures.
  • Every day may not be good but there’s good in every day.
  • Dream big, little one!
  • Cute as a button, but not quite as smart.
  • 7 billion smiles, and yours is my favorite.
  • You do the most adorable things without realizing.
  • Don’t grow up… It’s a trap!
  • Handle every situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.
  • Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet. No one really knows how.
  • I’m not lazy. I’m on energy-saving mode.
  • I was going to take over the world this morning but I overslept. Postponed. Again.
  • I never make the same mistake twice. I make it like five or six times, you know, just to be sure.
  • Having a soft heart in a cruel world is courage, not weakness.
  • The idea is to die young . . . as late as possible.
  • Do more things that make you forget to check your phone.
  • You are what you do, not what you say you’ll do.
  • I literally have to remind myself all the time that being afraid of things going wrong isn’t the way to make things go right.
  • You and I are more than friends. We’re like a really small gang.
  • Friends are the family we choose for ourselves.
  • F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Fight for you. Respect you. Include you. Encourage you. Need you. Deserve you. Stand by you.
  • Some people arrive and make such a beautiful impact on your life, you can barely remember what life was like without them.
  • Friendship isn’t a big thing. It’s a million little things.
  • I’ll stop wearing black when they make a darker color. — Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) by Fall Out Boy
  • This may be the night that my dreams might let me know… All the stars are closer. — All the Stars by Kendrick Lamar & SZA
  • Feeling like a boss, and staring at the stars, it doesn’t matter the cost, ’cause everybody wants to be famous. — Everybody Wants to Be Famous by Superorganism
  • Shine on, diamond, don’t make me wait another day. — My My My! by Troye Sivan
  • No point in holding onto what’s broken, so let’s live in the moment. When one door closes, another one opens. Stop trying to control it and start living in the moment. — Live in the Moment by Craig David
  • Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat cake.
  • Birthday: A day to celebrate that you haven’t died in the last year.
  • I don’t look a day over fabulous!
  • The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.
  • Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
  • Aspire to inspire before you expire.
  • Darling, you are a work of art.
  • Choose kindness and laugh often.
  • Clear your mind of can’t.
  • Every moment matters.
  • I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
  • Cupcakes are muffins that believe in miracles.
  • Did you say exercise? Or extra fries?
  • I’m just a girl, standing in front of a salad, asking it to be a donut.
  • My head says gym but my heart says tacos.
  • Forget the butterflies, I feel the whole zoo when I’m with you.
  • Fall in love with somebody who will never let you go to sleep wondering if you still matter.
  • She’s the exclamation mark in the happiest sentence that I could ever possibly write.
  • Sometimes, someone comes into your life so unexpectedly, takes your heart by surprise, and changes your life forever.
  • I love that you are my person and I am yours, that whatever door we come to, we will open it together. — A.R. Asher
  • My prince is not coming on a white horse… he’s obviously riding a turtle somewhere, really confused.
  • I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open, looking for answers. Also food.
  • How I feel when there is no coffee? Depresso.
  • Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, “What! You Too? I thought I was the only one.
  • Procrastination is my best friend.
  • My professor is like Oprah Winfrey, she throws homeworks at us like it’s a car.
  • College lectures would be so much fun with Game of Thrones references.
  • I’d rather be at Hogwarts.
  • I want somebody to look at me the way my dog looks at food.
  • My dog is mad at me because they could smell another dog on my clothes.
  • Did you say pancakes?!My bed is a magical place. As soon as I jump into it, it reminds me of all the things I haven’t yet completed.
  • They say don’t try this at home. So, I tried it at my friend’s home.
  • Friday – My second favorite F word.
  • For me being in math class is like watching a foreign language movie without any subtitles.
  • When nothing goes right, just go left.
  • This week I was pulled over by a cop. He said, “Papers.” I said, “Scissors and I win.” Don’t think the cop found it funny.
  • Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously a girl because it won’t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas.
  • My mom – Why is everything in your room on the floor? Me – “Mom, don’t you understand concept of gravity?
  • I don’t think inside the box. I don’t think outside the box. What the duck – I don’t even know what box everyone is talking about.
  • Just one more cookie. Just one more minute. Just one more episode – Lies I tell myself.
  • I got back with my Ex… X box 360.
  • What if I told you, you can eat without posting it on Instagram.
  • So you’re telling me I have a chance.
  • Yesterday, I changed my WiFi password to “Hackitifyoucan”; today, someone changed it to “ChallengeAccepted”.
  • Hey girl, feel my sweater. Know what it’s made of? Boyfriend material.
  • For every action, I have a clever reserve caption.
  • Friendship isn’t about who you’ve known the longest. It’s about who walked into your life and said, I am here for you and proved it.
  • Throughout, your life can find a person who never gets bore with your talks.
  • Friendship isn’t a big thing – it’s a million little things
  • Friendship isn’t about who you know the longest. It’s about who walked into your life and said I’m here for you.
  • There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn’t jump puddles for you.
  • Way to have a best friend is to be one.
  • There’s something about childhood friends that you just can’t replace
  • Friends are medicine for a wounded heart.
  • A big hug from a Small person!
  • People say it is hard to find friends, just because best one is with me.
  • No man is a failure who has friends
  • I was thinking of you and feeling fortunate that life brought us together and made “BEST FRIENDS”.
  • Your vibe attracts your tribe.
  • It is Priceless to find friends with same mental disorder.
  • Strangers think I’m quiet, my friends think I’m outgoing, but my best friends know that I’m completely insane.
  • It’s not how many friends you can count, it’s how many of those you can count on
  • The great thing about new friends is that they bring new energy to your soul.#
  • Hope to be your friend until we die, become best ghosts after death.
  • Best friend? Nah. She’s my sister.
  • Friends are like flowers, they add color to your life..!!
  • “How much do I weigh? One hundred and sexy!”
  • “Shameless self-promotion is an underappreciated art form. Let’s fix that.”
  • “Brought to you by Spanx and self-confidence.”
  • “I’ve got it, I’m flaunting it, and you’re liking it.”
  • “I’m sexy and I know it. And now you do too.”
  • “Posting this to make everyone else feel better about themselves. You’re welcome.”
  • “Showing myself at my worst so the next selfie I post, you’ll all be astounded by my stunning transformation.”
  • “I’m probably going to regret this (in 3…2…1…).”
  • “My dog dared me.”
  • “The cat made me do it.”
  • “Woke up like this. (Because I fell asleep in this outfit and makeup.)”
  • “Some people grow up, I glow up.”
  • “Oh no, my toddler got my phone, took this perfectly posed (but candid!) picture of me and accidentally posted this, I’m so embarrassed! But really the kid’s kind of a genius, right?”
  • “This girl is on fire! (Seriously, my quads are burning)”
  • “Welcome to the gun show! (So what if mine are of the “conceal and carry” type?)”
  • “Meet you at the bar(bell)?”
  • “I go to the gym because clearly my amazing personality deserves a body to go with it.”
  • “I don’t sweat, I sparkle.”
  • “I just finished squats—and didn’t toot once!”
  • “My life’s purpose is to be a cautionary tale for others.”
  • “Send in the rescue dogs (preferably the ones with kegs around their necks).”
  • “Why did no one warn me [eating ice cream/walking the dog/taking a picture with a baby] was so dangerous?”
  • “It seemed like a good idea at the time. I have terrible judgment.”
  • “Deploy the secret cuteness weapon—kids!”
  • “I totally knew that creepy guy was behind me. Sure I did.”
  • “He said he was Lady Gaga.”
  • “I’d hate to get to the end of my life and think “I could have eaten that!” #noregrets”
  • “How do I like my eggs? In cake.”
  • “I have hunger management issues.”
  • “When the waiter asked what I’d like, I handed the menu back and said “yes, please!”
  • “I’m just a girl, standing in front of a salad, asking it to be a cupcake.”
  • “WTF (where’s the food)?”
  • “Why cake? It’s somebody’s birthday somewhere!”
  • “Jet lag is for amateurs.”
  • “This is my road to recovery.”
  • “The only trip you will regret is the one you don’t take. (Okay, and that trip where you ate the sketchy seafood and couldn’t figure out how to flush the toilets in Morocco.)”
  • “If you think adventure is dangerous, try routine—it’s lethal. —Paulo Coelho”
  • “Have you posed by a naked statue today? No, your garden gnome doesn’t count (he has a hat).”
  • “We broke up for religious reasons—he believed he was God and I didn’t.”
  • “It’s complicated—our drink order, that is. The relationship is great!”
  • “Does this ring make me look engaged?”
  • “Another one bites the dust.”
  • “He, me, and baby make three!”
  • “I got a haircut! It went so well I went ahead and had all my hairs cut!”
  • “I call this the ‘Hey, at least I tried.’”
  • “At least it’s not a clip-on man bun.”
  • “Pinterest made me do it.”
  • “The best things in life either make you fat, drunk, or pregnant. I might have accomplished all three.”
  • “Everyone say. Cheeeeeese….sticks!”
  • “What tattoo should I get?”
  • “When people tell me, ‘You’re gonna regret that in the morning,’ I just sleep until noon. I’m a problem solver.”
  • “Drunk people, children, and leggings: They don’t lie. Neither does this picture.”
  • “How do I get out of this glass prison? Won’t someone help me? Please?!”
  • “No mom, I’m not serious. Please don’t call.”
  • “Hey don’t be sad! Because sad backwards is das—and das not good!”
  • ‘Til death do us party.
  • It’s been an emotional day. Even the cake is in tiers.
  • Not the royal wedding, but it’ll do.
  • Today, you will get married, and I will eat cake. It’s a win-win for sure.
  • These two make such a gouda couple. Now, point me in the direction of the charcuterie plate.
  • Congrats on making it o-fish-ial. Now, there are two less fish in the sea.
  • Thank you for sharing your big day with me, and a special thank you to the cake you’re serving.
  • The best kind of wedding is one that leaves your bellies (and hearts) full.
  • Their love is unbeleafable.
  • The party doesn’t start till we walk in.
  • These two weirdos are perfect for each other.
  • A party without a cake is just a meeting.
  • It’s been an emotional day. Even the cake is in tiers.
  • I can’t wait to ugly cry at the next wedding.
  • Marriage? It has a nice ring to it.
  • Gross. She has to live with a boy now.
  • A wedding isn’t about a bride and groom. It’s about the party.
  • They’re going to make such a cute old couple.
  • THERE ARE 16 YEAR OLDS COMPETING AT THE OLYMPICS AND I STILL PUSH ON PULL DOORS…
  • HUMBLE, WITH JUST A HINT OF KANYE.
  • I’d give a fuck but I already gave it to your mother last night when you’re downie eat a brownie.
  • Braless is flawless.
  • HOW I FEEL WHEN THERE IS NO COFFEE? DEPRESSO.
  • THIS IS THE MONDAYEST MONDAY THAT EVER MONDAYED.
  • DEJA POO: The feeling that you’ve heard this crap before.
  • wine + dinner = winners
  • I JUST DON’T WANT TO LOOK BACK AND THINK “I COULD’VE EATEN THAT”
  • I DON’T EVEN BELIEVE MYSELF WHEN I SAY I’LL BE READY IN 5 MINUTES.
  • WiFi, food, my bed. Perfection.
  • BORN TO SHOP. FORCED TO WORK.
  • First I drink the coffee. Then I do the things.
  • Me Everyday: Slay Me in December: Sleigh
  • I might look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head I’m quite busy.
  • Error 404: Feelings not found
  • I SPEND A LOT OF TIME HOLDING THE REFRIGERATOR DOOR OPEN LOOKING FOR ANSWERS.
  • EVERYTHING I LIKE IS EITHER EXPENSIVE, ILLEGAL OR WON’T TEXT ME BACK.
  • JUST WING IT. LIFE, EYELINER, EVERYTHING.
  • Long line at Starbucks, first world problems.
  • START YOUR DAY WITH POSITIVE THOUGHTS.
  • Be a little more you, and a lot less them.
  • I’M FINE, THANKS FOR NOT ASKING.
  • I LOVE SARCASM.
  • IT’S LIKE PUNCHING PEOPLE IN THE FACE, BUT WITH WORDS.
  • Autocorrect can go straight to hell.
  • APPRECIATE GOOD PEOPLE. THEY ARE HARD TO COME BY.
  • I WISH COMMON SENSE WAS MORE COMMON
  • WE WERE BORN TO BE REAL, NOT TO BE PERFECT.
  • Be with those that bring out the best in you, not the stress in you.
  • ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING. NEW DAY, NEW STRENGTH, NEW THOUGHTS.
  • I am so open-minded, my brains will fall out some day.
  • I don’t always surf the internet, but when I do, eyebrows!
  • Say “Beer Can” with a British accent. I just taught you to say “Bacon” with a Jamaican accent.
  • In a relationship? Nah! I am in a flirtationship.
  • In the event that you don’t have anything decent to say, come sit by me, and we can ridicule individuals together
  • I will go into survival mode if tickled
  • Mermaids don’t do homework
  • Presumably the best meat eater on the planet
  • All I need is some Vitamin Sea *insert wave emoji*
  • Water you doing right now?
  • Keep Palm and Carry On *insert palm tree emoji*
  • A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken. – James Dent
  • Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better. – Unknown
  • August is like the Sunday of summer. – Unknown
  • A man says a lot of things in summer he doesn’t mean in winter. – Patricia Briggs
  • Some of the best memories are made in flip flops. – Kellie Elmore
  • Summer bachelors like summer breezes, are never as cool as they pretend to be. – Nora Ephron
  • I’m sorry for the things I said when it was winter. – Unknown
  • If you’re not barefoot then you’re overdressed. – Unknown
  • Girls just wanna have sun. – Unknown
  • Summer is here. I’m in the process of moving all my bad habits outdoors. – Unknown
  • Summer should get a speeding ticket. – Unknown
  • A little bit of a summer is what the whole year is all about. – John Mayer
  • I could never in a hundred summers get tired of this. – Susan Branch
  • Deep summer is when laziness finds respectability. – Sam Keen
  • When all else fails, take a vacation. – Betty Williams
  • A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in. – Robert Orben
  • If summer had one defining scent, it’d definitely be the smell of barbecue. – Katie Lee
  • To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow. – Audrey Hepburn
  • I need a six month holiday, twice a year.
  • If a dentist makes their money from unhealthy teeth, why would I trust a product 4/5 of them recommend?
  • How did I get back to my crib last night.
  • we made it, it’s Friday!
  • I read the twilight books.
  • When I feel a little down, I put on my favorite high heels and dance.
  • Friday, my second favorite F word.
  • Women drivers rev my engine.
  • I like coodies.
  • Hey, I just met you, this is crazy.
  • At least this balloon is attracted to me!
  • I must destroy you with hugs and kisses.
  • Stop looking for happiness in the same place you just lost it.
  • I woke up like this.
  • Oh you’re a model? What’s your agency, Instagram?
  • I will eat just one, I swear.
  • I liked memes before they were on Instagram.
  • if a redhead works at a bakery, does that make him a ginger bread man?
  • If we could only turn back time…
  • Keep smiling because life is a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.
  • What if I told you, you can eat without posting it on Instagram.
  • Thank you for making me feel less alone.
  • The only F word out a woman’s mouth that scares me is “fine.”
  • Crossfit? I play real sports.
  • A blind man walks into a bar… And a chair… and a table.
  • At dawn, we ride.
  • you are enough.
  • This seat is taken.
  • I wasn’t lucky, I deserved it.
  • I had fun once, it was horrible.
  • survived another “end of the world” scenario.
  • Girls be like…
  • stop stop, I’m gunna pee.
  • Hey good lookin, can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?
  • Puts selfie on top of tree because I’m the star.
  • Is I in trouble?
  • I don’t have Ex’s, I have Y’s. Like “Why Did I ever date you?”
  • It never rains during the weekend.
  • Oh, hi there!
  • You’re doing it wrong.
  • Smile 🙂
  • Fresher than you.
  • A little birthday party they said, it’ll be fun they said.
  • Don’t be like the rest of them, darling.
  • Girls be like, no makeup!
  • Posted pic on Instagram, and she didn’t like it.
  • I eat my tacos over a Tortilla. That way when stuff falls out, BOOM, another taco.
  • We all start as strangers.
  • I didn’t choose the thug life, the thug life chose me.
  • I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
  • My only real long term goal is to never end up on Maury.
  • girl Ima have to call you back.
  • Have a seat, we were expecting you.
  • My diet plan: make all of my best friends cookies; the fatter they get, the thinner I look.
  • If I die tomorrow, will you remember me
  • What if the princess wants to be with Bowser but Mario keeps kidnapping her.
  • Invite me to play Candy Crush one more time.
  • How do I put this, you’ll never sleep again.
  • I love sleep because it’s like a time machine to breakfast.
  • Teacher knows who my crush is, assigns my seat next to her.
  • I’m the strong silent typo.
  • Syndrome of a down.
  • Weekend, please don’t leave me.
  • Never cry for that person who doesn’t know the value of your tears.
  • Don’t play dumb with me. That’s a game you can’t win.
  • I got back with my Ex…Box 360.
  • Volleyball is just a really intense version of “don’t let the ball touch the floor”.
  • Leave your lover.
  • Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away.
  • I hate flying lessons.
  • A selfie a day keeps the friends away.
  • OMG that’s so cute.
  • I’d like to thank Red Bull, Google, Vodka, and Wikipedia for my graduation.
  • Buy an iPhone they said, it comes with a map, they said.
  • I love you this much.
  • One does not simply “Let it go”
  • Boys are like purses, cute, full of crap, and can always be replaced.
  • Is Google a boy or a girl? Obviously a girl because it won’t let you finish your sentence without suggesting other ideas.
  • Can I film you while you sleep? You’re so cute.
  • Hating me doesn’t make you pretty.
  • Friends with a gang of geeks.
  • Guess what I just did.
  • Need an ark? I Noah guy.
  • On my way to school 🙂
  • You’re cute, can I have you?
  • I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, call me Beercules.
  • Friends marathon on Netflix, YES!
  • Dear vegetarians, if you’re trying to save animals, then why are you eating their food?
  • That moment when you realize it wasn’t a fart.
  • Some days start better than others.
  • Live the live you want to, not the one you’re supposed to.
  • Life is short, false, it’s the longes thing you do.
  • Broke his heart, then I asked if he was ok?
  • Truth is, I’m crazy for you. And everyone can see that but you.
  • Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.
  • Make milkshakes they said, the boys will come to your yard they said.
  • Meanwhile at Walmart.
  • Changed all my passwords to incorrect, then every time I forget my password, it says “your password is incorrect”.
  • Darwin award goes to…
  • So you’re telling me I have a chance.
  • They see me rollin, they hatin.
  • Hey girl, I like the way we finish each others, sandwiches.
  • A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
  • Heart boys who make funny faces when they see you for the first time.
  • I know, I’m lucky that I’m so cute.
  • Oh pizza, you understand me so well.
  • My chocolate chip cookie, is rasin 🙁
  • Who’s awesome? You are!
  • Impossibru!
  • World’s most annoying couple.
  • Trying to forget it but the memories are too strong.
  • Hey girl, feel my sweater. Know what it’s made of? Boyfriend material.
  • A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it. A dumb person creates it.
  • That moment when you realize your childhood is over.
  • I came here in peace, seeking gold and slaves.
  • Walking past a class with your friends in it.
  • So, you come here often?
  • You only drink diet soda? You must be so healthy.
  • Who’s that cute person? Oh, I clicked on my profile again.
  • Don’t worry if you haven’t found your true love, they’re just with someone else right now.
  • Collect moments, not things.
  • Boys be like…
  • This just gave me another reason why I love this person.
  • You play Call of Duty? That’s cute.
  • A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
  • He went to jared.
  • Your Kik status says Kik Login Online, if you’re online then why aren’t you texting me.
  • Help me please, I’m bored.
  • Deal with it.
  • Not all girls are made of sugar and spice, and everything nice. Some are made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.
  • You think this is a game?
  • I just want to cuddle, that’s all I want.
  • I am an Instagram Caption!
  • Best selifie ever.
  • You guys are just so darn cute.
  • When the bus driver starts driving before you even get to your seat.
  • When the parents hate it, the kids lvoe it.
  • If you look in the mirror when your eyes are shut, it’s like watching yourself when you’re asleep.
  • Being famous on Instagram is like being rich on Monopoly.
  • Omg. Look at me. Instagram selfie.
  • Being single is smarter than being in the wrong relationship.
  • They used to shout my name, now they whisper it.
  • Everytime my phone goes off, I hope it’s you.
  • I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.
  • Frankly my dear, I don’t Instagram.
  • I’m not saying it was aliens, but it was Aliens!
  • You lost your phone and it’s on silent? Too bad, if you liked it, you should have put a ring on it.
  • Smash, now what will I Instagram?
  • Says he wants to whisper something in your ear, screams!
  • You go to school, nothing happens. You miss one day, Beyonce shows up unannounced.
  • Dude, all my friends have birthdays this year.
  • I can’t go on, will you carry me.
  • I’m in love with you, and all your little things.
  • Yea, dating is cool but have you every had stuffed crust pizza?
  • I act like I’m ok, but I’m really not.
  • Started from the bottom now we’re here.
  • Like a boss.
  • I don’t always surf the internet, but when I do, eyebrows.
  • You said everyone would be here.
  • You keep using that word, I don’t think it means what you think it means.
  • I’m on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.
  • Turn the pain into power.
  • Stay strong, the weekend is coming.
  • How a woman tells society she is single.
  • Work until your idols become your rivals.
  • How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She fits into your wife’s clothes
  • I thought this was America.
  • Instagram is down, just describe your lunch to me.
  • I’ll never try to fit in. I was born to STAND OUT.
  • I don’t always make sense, but when I do, I don’t.
  • You gunna eat that?
  • Has one night stand, but way too many books to fit on it.
  • Good morning beautiful! I hope I didn’t wake you and I’m sorry if I did but I just want to tell you that you’re an amazing and beautiful person and I hope you have a great day!
  • Hey girl, get back to work.
  • You should smell my breath.
  • When Instagram was down, I ran around town shouting “like” at flowers, dogs, and expensive brunches.
  • So, you’re on Instagram? You must be an amazing photographer.
  • Give me the chocolate and nobody gets hurt.
  • I used to have superpowers but the psychiatrist took them away.
  • The moment when she says you’re cute.
  • Lives change like the weather. I hope you remember today is never too late to be brand new.
  • I don’t always study, but when I do, I don’t.
  • Say “Beer Can” with a british accent. I just taught you to say “Bacon” with a Jamaican accent.
  • Girls be like, caught off guard but still cute.
  • Free hot dogs and chili, you always pay for them later.
  • Meanwhile in Russia.
  • 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
  • Onions make me sad. A lot of people don’t realize that.
  • She just left, I miss her already.
  • Cute girl walking in front of you. Decrease speed until walking in front of you.
  • Nothing says ‘rainy day’ like 50 Shades of Grey!
  • Never cry for anyone that doesn’t value your tears.
  • Until I saw this, I didn’t know how badly I needed a smile.
  • Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not strong enough. Funny enough. Smart enough.
  • I think you’re lacking ‘Vitamin Me.’
  • Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.
  • Yesterday, I changed my password to ‘HackItIfYouCan.’ Today, someone changed it to ‘ChallengeAccepted.’
  • There’s a girl out there with love in her eyes and flowers in her hair.
  • Still looking for happiness in the same place you just lost it.
  • I try not to work too many Sunday. At least, not Sunday nights. I like to call them Sunday Fundays.
  • Posting lyrics on your status, hoping at least one person will read them and take the hint.
  • Single, taken, in a relationship. These are all just terms. Your status is measured by your actions.
  • You don’t have to like me. I’m not a Facebook status.
  • Lives change like the weather. I hope you remember today is never too late to be brand new.
  • The biggest challenge in life is being yourself…in a world trying to make you like everyone else.
  • What others think of me is none of my business!
  • Get over your selfie, darling!
  • My favorite music is your voice. The lyrics always speak right to my heart.
  • Life is like a balloon. If you don’t let go, you’ll never know how high you can rise.
  • You have to love yourself, first, before anyone else can love you.
  • ‘Friday’ is my second-favorite F-word!
  • We’re each responsible for the beauty we carry with us, ever day.
  • Remember: everyone else is just as unique as you.
  • A blind man walks into a bar. And a chair. And a table.
  • Three mistake did by everyone. Instagram, Facebook, and GF!
  • Boys will be boys as long as there are no girls in the picture.
  • An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit.
  • Alcohol will give different, type of superhuman power!
  • Aye, I’m just feeling my vibes right now, I’m feeling myself.
  • Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
  • Dear God, there is a bug in your week Software. it’s called Monday, please fix it.
  • Instagram should have an ‘Enemy List’.
  • I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying!
  • I smile because I have no idea what’s going on.
  • I think you are lacking Vitamin me!
  • I’m jealous of my parents, I’ll never have a kid as cool as theirs.
  • I’ll never try to fit in. I was born to STAND OUT.
  • I’m a smart person, I just do stupid things.
  • I’m actually not funny, I am just mean and people think I’m funny!
  • I’m different, fuck your opinion.
  • I’m not saying it was aliens, but it was Aliens!
  • I’m not weird, I’m a limited edition.
  • I’m usually charming, nice, and well mannered, OK for those who really know me you can laugh now
  • If a dentist makes their money from unhealthy teeth, why would I trust a product 4/5 of them recommend?

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Guys

Some of the funniest punchlines on Earth is made by men who just throw the nonsense jokes in the air without thinking about it . Take a look at some of men’s funniest remarks and use it for your funny Instagram captions instead.

  • If a dentist makes their money from unhealthy teeth, why would I trust a product 4/5 of them recommend?
  • I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate. but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
  • I know the voices in my head aren’t real. But sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
  • I know you are a sensitive person but no worry I am Sensodyne to your sensitivity.
  • I like hashtags because they look like waffles.
  • I liked memes before they were on Instagram
  • I Live And I Learn But I Wait My Turn. I’m Always On The Run, Got Weight To Burn.
  • I look at people sometimes and think. Really?? That’s the sperm that won.
  • I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
  • I’m a math teacher. One plus two equals me and you
  • I need a six month holiday, twice a year.

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Lyrical

  • I’m here for a good time not a long time.
  • I can’t really see another squad tryna cross us.
  • I’m up right now and you suck right now.
  • No new friends.
  • Where you movin’? I said onto better things.
  • Know yourself, know your worth.
  • Make the most out of tonight, and worry ‘bout it all tomorrow.
  • I’m way up, I feel blessed.
  • I cannot see heaven being much better than this.
  • Live for today, plan for tomorrow, party tonight.
  • I’mma sip it ‘til i feel it, I’mma smoke it ‘til it’s done.
  • I still ride with my day one.
  • My excuse is that I’m young.
  • I live for the nights that I can’t remember with the people that I won’t forget.
  • Imma worry ‘bout me, give a f**k about you.
  • Nobody really likes us except for us.
  • They ain’t make me what I am, they just found me like this.
  • You only live once!
  • Drinking every night because we drink to my accomplishments.
  • Started from the bottom, now we’re here.
  • Last name ever, first name greatest!
  • Whole squad on that real sh*t.
  • On my worst behavior.
  • Worrying about your followers, you need to get yo ur dollars up.
  • Started not to give a f**k and stopped fearing the consequence.
  • Never not chasing a million things I want.

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Romantic

  • There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment.
  • No matter where I went, I always knew my way back to you. You are my compass star.
  • Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.
  • We accept the love we think we deserve.
  • A beautiful woman delights the eye; a wise woman, the understanding; a pure one, the soul.
  • Morning without you is a dwindled dawn.
  • Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.
  • True love stories never have endings.
  • We love the things we love for what they are.
  • All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.
  • Love planted a rose, and the world turned sweet.
  • If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything.
  • What is love? It is the morning and the evening star.
  • Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.
  • Love is like the wind, you can’t see it but you can feel it.
  • If I had a flower for every time I thought of you…I could walk through my garden forever.
  • You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
  • Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.

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Sarcastic

  • Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
  • If had a dollar for every smart thing you say, I’d be poor.
  • I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.
  • I have two speeds. If you don’t like this one, you’re definitely not going to like the other one.
  • I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.
  • Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.
  • Young people think that money is everything. Old people know that this is correct.
  • I can’t come to work today. I have to stare at the ceiling and question every decision I’ve ever made.
  • Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
  • If at first you don’t succeed, maybe skydiving isn’t your sport.
  • If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
  • Thinking I’m a moron gives people something to feel smug about. Why should I disillusion them?
  • My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.
  • I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.
  • People who act like they know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.
  • I’m not always a smartass. Sometimes I’m asleep.

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Selfie

  • God is really creative, I mean just look at me.
  • Who cares, I’m awesome.
  • Eat, sleep, click, repeat.
  • I’m different, fuck your opinion.
  • Oh, darling! Go buy a personality.
  • Look behind you see any eager faces, waiting for your next post? I thought not.
  • Remember when you were better than me ?.. Ans: ya neither do I.
  • Look dope chic, spice and so nice.
  • I`m jealous of my parents, I’ll never have a kid as cool as theirs.
  • I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
  • I hate when I am about to hug someone really sexy and my face hits the mirror.
  • I smile because I have no idea what’s going on.
  • I am not fat, I am just… easier to see.
  • I am not lazy, I am just on my energy saving mode.
  • I Live And I Learn But I Wait My Turn. I’m Always On The Run, Got Weight To Burn.
  • There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
  • So we meet again..
  • If I ever let my head down, it will be just to admire my shoes.
  • Aye I’m just feeling my vibes right now, I’m feeling myself.
  • Warning – You might fall in love with me.
  • I know I’m lucky that I’m so cute.
  • What if I told you, you can eat without posting it on Instagram.
  • If being Hot is a Crime ARREST ME!
  • Just saw the most smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.
  • People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
  • If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back, come to me. I’ll tell you more.
  • Silence is the best answer of all questions and Smile is the best reaction in all situations. Unfortunately, both never help in VIVA & INTERVIEW.
  • I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
  • Nothing is illegal until you get caught
  • If life gives you lemons, just add vodka.
  • I’m not weird, I’m a limited edition.
  • Born free, taxed to death.
  • Eat right, stay fit, die anyway.
  • On a scale of 1 to 10, I’m a 15
  • Can Bob the Builder fix my bad attitude?
  • “My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch … I call it lunch.”
  • “I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”
  • They call it a ‘selfie’ because ‘narcissisitie’ is too hard to spell.
  • I am not weird. I am limited edition.
  • Me? Crazy? I should get down off this unicorn and slap you.
  • Life status: currently holding it all together with one bobby pin …
  • Be as picky with your men as you are with your selfies.
  • If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, maybe it really is a duck. Either accept it for what it is or let it go.
  • My demons hide in my loudness. So if you don’t want the evil to come out, don’t shut me down in a very sarcastic manner.
  • You know that feeling when the really cute girl walks by in the mall, and you smile, try to be smooth, and take a drink of tea, and run the straw up your nose?
  • Who washed and waxed their truck in this lovely 32-degree weather? Yes, that’s right! Me!
  • You cannot control whom your heart falls in love with, but it’s funny because you can decide whom to date.
  • Do I really look like a guy who spent the past hour trying to get the right lighting for this selfie? Of course not!
  • I hate captions that don’t belong to my selfie.
  • For every action, I have a clever reserve caption.
  • Why you don’t consider my clever attitude in my serious photos.
  • You are a serious rock star, but you need much more efforts to start my rock.
  • If you ever ignore my attitude, I will not pick up your luggage again.
  • Girls like my smiley face because I clean my teeth thrice a day.
  • Dogs and cats are not allowed in my private pictures.
  • I love Instagram because it allows me to maintain a record of my every meal.
  • You can tell how much someone likes you by the number of times they show up in your selfies.
  • Eat right, stay fit, and die anyway.
  • Eat, sleep, click, and repeat.
  • ETC meaning “End of Thinking Capacity”.
  • Every tall girl needs a short best friend.
  • Finding friends with the same mental disorder is priceless.
  • For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.
  • Forget love, I’d rather fall in chocolate.
  • Friday is my second favorite F word.
  • Friends buy you lunch. Best friends eat your lunch.
  • Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean. But the true ones stay, like an octopus on your face.
  • Friends knock on the door; best friends walk into your house and start eating.
  • Give me the chocolate and nobody gets hurt.

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Words of Wisdom

  • “I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot. Sleep for a while. Wake up beautiful.”
  • “An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.”
  • “I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life!”
  • Never let a man treat you anything less than Beyonce.
  • Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

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Summary: Cool Instagram Quotes

You are still here?

By now we hope you have found one of your funny Instagram captions to put under your photo.There’s so many quotes in the world. We try to keep this article up to date, adding always more and more quotations we find.

Here you find even more detailed collections:

Happy Instagramming!

The Instagram Circus